THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

> Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
> In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
> People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
> No one expects you to run into a burning building.
> People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
> There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
> Things you buy now won't wear out.
> You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
> You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
> You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
> You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
> You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
> You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
> You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
> Your eyes won't get much worse.
> Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
> Your joints are more accurate in predicting rain than the National Weather Service.
> Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can't remember them either.
> Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
> You won't remember where you saw this.